Home Nostalgia

It’s an unmistakeably weird feeling being so far away from home for so long. On our training course we we’re warned about homesickness; how to recognise it and how to prevent it. While I was able to dismiss many of the things I was being told (I’m hardly likely to be mugged or have my kidneys harvested in Japan) I listened very intently to the lecture on Homesickness . As I previously explained, I was already proverbially shitting myself going into training so hearing speeches and lectures on all the “what if’s” was somewhat terrifying. Despite this though I just clammed up and got on with things however looking back, it was always in the back of my mind that this omnipresent thing called homesickness might creep up and suddenly engulf me in a world of misery and despair. This was only compounded by the fact that people at home and at Project Trust had there eyes on me and had certain expectations of me. When you go on a holiday or abroad for an Erasmus year you’re doing it for yourself and are under no obligation to have any kind of time other than whatever happens. However things are different on a gap year. So many people become involved with either through fundraising or just meeting you. You meet and work with a variety of people, all of which say something along the lines of “Oh my god you’re going to have the best year ever! It‘ll be fantastic!”. Now best year ever sets the expectations for this endeavour quite high and there is always the niggling feeling at the back of your mind “What if things go wrong? What if I hate it? Or what if I want to come home?” which means not only will you have let down yourself but also your superiors in the gap year headquarters,  your friends and relatives who helped you fund raise along the way and any past volunteer who said “Oh I remember when I was a volunteer, it was amazing. You’re going to have the best year ever“. Suddenly there's a lot of pressure on you and you start asking yourself a whole new variety of questions "What if I cant make this work? What if I'm not good enough? What if I let everyone down?", which is not a nice feeling.

Expected Mental State: Japan Day 3.

 

Despite all these questions though the pleasant truth is I have barely had to deal with any homesickness. When I first arrived I expected to be up every night sobbing. I kept waiting and waiting for these overwhelming feelings of despair to fall upon me, but they never came. Eventually, I just accepted the fact that I was totally awesome and therefore immune to homesickness...it turns out, not quite! Although I have never thought "This is too much" or "I want to go home", I've gained an appreciation of sorts for the things that I took for granted at home. It ranges from subtle things like the lay of the land and the overall colour to big things like the simplicity of being able to talk without thinking. Unlike homesickness which can be viewed as a thoroughly negative thing or something to be overcome, what I've come to think of as home nostalgia is a good thing. It's shown me all the things I knew and loved about my home that I just thought of as being...there. I definitely think my time overseas has given me a new perspective of my home and my life at home and not only do I feel better prepared to deal with whatever comes but I feel more capable as well. At the very least it's given me a breath of fresh air.