Christmas!

As you've probably guessed by the fact that this was posted in January, it is no longer Christmas. But I have vague memories of said event and I will dispense these memories...now.

I occasionally forget how unimaginably beautiful Toya is.

The day the holidays began, myself and the other volunteer I live with; James, were engaged in some last minute cleaning. As we knew the other volunteers would be coming up to visit us the next day, we decided that it would be an unsavory gesture to leave the house looking like an abattoir that had been inhabited by homeless drug addicts. After getting the house to a state that could have been considered semi-habitable by an only somewhat corrupt health inspector we got out our presents for our guests and placed them beneath our plastic Christmas Tree. Soon enough we found ourselves in a car on our way to the local train station, (which it turns out is not that local actually) to meet the other volunteers. For some reason I was feeling quite anxious. Maybe it was because I hadn't seen them in a long time, or possibly because I was worried whether or not they would like Hokkaido or perhaps  it had just been too long since I had used the toilet. Either way I was feeling a tad queasy. Sure enough though the train pulled up, the girls got off and all was agreeable. We had embraces, "How are you!?"s and all that kind of stuff. Unfortunately we didn't get too much time to be with the girls and just relax as it was quite late by the time they arrived and as they were spending their first night in our bosses house we couldn't exactly stay out until the small hours of the morning hollering from the tops of trees. So we said our good nights and went home.

A balmy morning in Mid-Winter Hokkaido

Over the next few days we showed the girls around the winter wonderland that we have made our home. We went for long walks, showed them some of our places of work, saw "The Hobbit", had celebratory drinks and there was even a Christmas party organised by some of our students and co-workers. One thing that some of our co-workers remarked upon was the length of time the volunteers were staying for. It's tradition for the other volunteers posted in Japan to come up to Hokkaido for Christmas but normally the length of the visit is only three or four days, we however, found ourselves staying in Hokkaido for a full eight days and definitely towards we end we began to feel signs of cabin fever. With tensions running high and everyone not being in the best of moods it made for a truly authentic Christmas that brought me back to childhood memories of Christmas days sitting around the table hating my family...oh Christmas I love you so much.

Christmas Day: Our House

Regardless of any hiccups though it was fantastic to get a break as working in nurseries three days a week makes mass genocide look appealing and the hectic schedule was beginning to catch up with me and James. So all in all a good first half of the break...Next post; New Years in Tokyo.

Home Nostalgia

It’s an unmistakeably weird feeling being so far away from home for so long. On our training course we we’re warned about homesickness; how to recognise it and how to prevent it. While I was able to dismiss many of the things I was being told (I’m hardly likely to be mugged or have my kidneys harvested in Japan) I listened very intently to the lecture on Homesickness . As I previously explained, I was already proverbially shitting myself going into training so hearing speeches and lectures on all the “what if’s” was somewhat terrifying. Despite this though I just clammed up and got on with things however looking back, it was always in the back of my mind that this omnipresent thing called homesickness might creep up and suddenly engulf me in a world of misery and despair. This was only compounded by the fact that people at home and at Project Trust had there eyes on me and had certain expectations of me. When you go on a holiday or abroad for an Erasmus year you’re doing it for yourself and are under no obligation to have any kind of time other than whatever happens. However things are different on a gap year. So many people become involved with either through fundraising or just meeting you. You meet and work with a variety of people, all of which say something along the lines of “Oh my god you’re going to have the best year ever! It‘ll be fantastic!”. Now best year ever sets the expectations for this endeavour quite high and there is always the niggling feeling at the back of your mind “What if things go wrong? What if I hate it? Or what if I want to come home?” which means not only will you have let down yourself but also your superiors in the gap year headquarters,  your friends and relatives who helped you fund raise along the way and any past volunteer who said “Oh I remember when I was a volunteer, it was amazing. You’re going to have the best year ever“. Suddenly there's a lot of pressure on you and you start asking yourself a whole new variety of questions "What if I cant make this work? What if I'm not good enough? What if I let everyone down?", which is not a nice feeling.

Expected Mental State: Japan Day 3.

 

Despite all these questions though the pleasant truth is I have barely had to deal with any homesickness. When I first arrived I expected to be up every night sobbing. I kept waiting and waiting for these overwhelming feelings of despair to fall upon me, but they never came. Eventually, I just accepted the fact that I was totally awesome and therefore immune to homesickness...it turns out, not quite! Although I have never thought "This is too much" or "I want to go home", I've gained an appreciation of sorts for the things that I took for granted at home. It ranges from subtle things like the lay of the land and the overall colour to big things like the simplicity of being able to talk without thinking. Unlike homesickness which can be viewed as a thoroughly negative thing or something to be overcome, what I've come to think of as home nostalgia is a good thing. It's shown me all the things I knew and loved about my home that I just thought of as being...there. I definitely think my time overseas has given me a new perspective of my home and my life at home and not only do I feel better prepared to deal with whatever comes but I feel more capable as well. At the very least it's given me a breath of fresh air.

Working and Acting

It’s difficult to start this post as the truth is I’ve already been working here for several months and have settled into an pattern with it. This means that the virginal blank ignorance I had at the start of the year has been long trampled over with hours upon hours routine and repetition and while I wont be able to make this a “First Impressions of Work” post I think it’s an adequate time to reflect on the past few months.

The first thing that I’ve come to realise is that school is quite a different experience when you go abroad and there’s an even bigger difference when you swap roles with the teacher. It’s been less than 8 months since I graduated and now I find myself in the surreal position of being the person standing at the top of the class dictating work and telling students to pay attention.  I was once told by another Assistant Language Teacher that in order to be a teacher you have to be a competent actor and I think there is quite a bit of truth in that, especially for someone like me. It feels strange to put on a tie and blazer, things I previously assumed to be “adult clothes” , go into a school and be teacher, an unmistakeably “adult” job.  I find myself now play acting to two roles, that of a teacher and that of a responsible adult who is in some cases a role model and at the very least setting an example. The truth is, as I’m getting older bit by bit I’m beginning to understand the idea of being an adult better. A great comedian said before “-not that there is such thing as an adult really. You’re just a tall child holding a beer talking about stuff you know nothing about” and I believe this statement to be very true. When I was younger I would look up at adults and assume their way of thinking or their view on reality was somehow different or superior to my own but as I’m getting closer and closer to being one of these so called “adults” nothing has changed, at least nothing meaningful about how I view reality. I’ve become more level headed and can verbalise myself better but that’s all. So I’m left thinking “…is this it!?”, is this the level of maturity that is exhibited by people who have children,  people who are doctors or government officials; people who actually matter? Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not playing humanity down and nor am I playing myself up but it feels strange to be an adult in an adult job surrounded by other adults who are quite older than me but not that different. More educated and seasoned in their respective professions? Yes. But a million miles away? No. I can’t help but shake the feeling if I was put into the body of a forty something year old and told to get on with it, I would be able to do so with very few issues. This again leaves me thinking “…is this it!?”.